Dealing with repeated failure
Dealing with failure is one of the hardest things to confront as a Human. What may be even harder is dealing with repeated failure. I want to share my story with you. This is not one of overcoming failure but one I am currently dealing with.
It has some lessons and I hope you can glean one or two from it. Don’t worry I will try to keep it short.
Background
After graduating in 2018, I thought it would be a good idea to beef up my skills by taking professional courses, especially in the areas I was interested in working. I jumped into one that same year, and it took a little over two years to finish, wrapping up in 2020/2021.
With that under my belt, I was ready for the next challenge - because why not? That’s how I found myself going for the GARP Financial Risk Manager (FRM) in 2022.
FRM is a two-part exam, with Part I and Part II. I began studying for Part I in early 2022, aiming to take the exam in November of that year. I took a month off work to prepare. When the results came in January 2023, I had passed. I was thrilled, as it was the most difficult exam I had ever written - highly quantitative and technical.
Passing Part I on my first try further increased my “cockiness”. Throughout school, I had never failed an exam. This created an Aura of invisibility. I felt that if I hadn’t failed before, I never would.
I immediately kick-started preparation for Part II, planning to take it in November 2023. Results came out in January 2024—first failure. The same day after getting the results, I re-registered for the exam. Results came out in July 2024. Second failure! This second failure hit me hard. It made me question my abilities, intelligence, career path, and purpose.
As I write this, I’m beginning to find a sense of purpose and a more positive outlook. People often say that journaling or writing helps process emotions. The American author Janet Burroway once said, “Writing is a way of processing our lives. And it can be a way of healing.” I’m starting to believe that.
Lessons Learnt
Looking back, it’s clear that I made some poor choices.
First, I wasn’t honest with myself. I started a new job in July 2023 and still planned to take the exam in November 2023, even though I knew I would not be able to take a month off to prepare like I had the previous year. By the time the exam rolled around, I had only accumulated five days of leave. Some people might be able to pass the exam with less preparation, but I knew I needed more time to review and relearn the material. I didn’t give myself enough time to prepare, and I paid the price.
With a new job, I felt the need to prove myself, which meant working longer hours and taking time away from studying. An honest self-assessment would have told me to postpone the exam until I was better settled, but I was too focused on meeting an arbitrary November deadline. I didn’t take into account that the Part II preparation materials had about 40% more content than Part I.
Second, letting emotions dictate decisions are recipe for disaster. As I mentioned earlier, I re-registered for the exam the moment I found out I had failed, determined to redeem myself without really processing what had happened. I thought I could focus solely on the areas where I had performed poorly, but I only managed to get through three of the five books and barely touched any practice questions. I was unprepared. The outcome? Another failure.
This has been one of the hardest pills to swallow for me in recent times. But I’m confident that I would come out of this experience certified and better, having learned some of life’s most basic but important lessons. Including:
Be honest with yourself.
Take advice from others, but always apply it based on your context, that is understanding yourself.
Don’t make rash decisions when emotions are running high—whether you’re happy or sad.
Avoid setting arbitrary deadlines; reassess your goals when new information arises.
Nothing great comes easy; you have to keep putting in the work.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story.